Thoughts on Love
We all want to be loved. I think that’s a universal statement - and there aren’t too many of them anymore. But I think it’s safe to say we all seek love.
When I lost the love of my life, I lost a huge chunk of love. Of course it isn’t gone, because love never dies; but it often feels gone - in many worldly ways – for now.
I live it on a daily basis. So, I guess it’s pretty logical that I spend a lot of time contemplating love. What it is. How to define it. What it means. Why it’s important. Why we seek it. Why it fuels us. Why it makes us feel good. And so on.
In this, I’ve come to a realization. We all want to be loved. It starts on day one (and maybe even before) of our experience as humans. Tiny babies cry out, literally asking for love (and milk and a diaper change, but I digress).
Babies need to have their physical needs met, but they need love as well. It’s a requirement just as critical as a clean diaper or full bottle of milk, because if babies don’t receive love consistently, they may struggle with intimacy, trust and the ability to love others for the remainder of their life. (This is a condition called attachment disorder).
Imagine the ramifications. Not being loved, leads to an inability to express love. I’m not sure there’s been a sadder sentence ever written.
Craving to be loved, indeed, is a universal truth. But I think there is something beyond being loved that is even more universal: We want to give love. We want to love.
Can anybody find me somebody to love? Freddie Mercury had a point.
Being loved is nice. But it is a passive state of being. It requires nothing from you and you can’t control its ebbs and flows because you are on the receiving end.
Someone can love you without you ever even knowing it. Think of all the rom-coms that have been based on this premise! In that, you are a passive bystander to love, and life is not meant to be lived in bystander mode. At least not if it is going to be the best life - and who among us doesn’t want that?
Being loved is passive. Loving someone - or something - on the other hand, is the the opposite of passive. And in that it activates mega- neutrons of positivity within our beings. Simply put, love makes us feel good, in more ways than one.
The active state of loving another being produces dopamine, which is associated with increased happiness, pleasure, positivity and wellbeing. The physical touch often associated with love releases oxytocin, which lowers stress. In addition, love helps to boost immunity and tends to improve sleep patterns. Overall, it increases life expectancy and is good for heart health, which might help to explain the plethora of hearts on Valentine’s Day.
Being loved is wonderful. Loving - especially in the reciprocal sense - is beyond wonderful. It is what life is all about. Quite simply. Quite literally. Quite understandably. Quite magnificently.
It’s hard to wrap your head around it. But I think maybe the Beatles alluded to the thought when they sang: All you need is love.
Of course coffee, wine and chocolate probably also belong on that list, but love is key.
And it doesn’t have to be romantic love, or even person to person love. Giving love is remarkably flexible. Ask any pet owner if the love they have for their four-legged friend is real. You already know the answer.
I’ve just got one more point to make on this topic. We often think about loving another or acting in such a way as to gain the love of another. This is okay, but sometimes I think we forget to love the most important person in our own lives: Ourself.
Because that has to come first. Then all the rest about love others will simply fall into place. And when it does, it’s almost like magic.
Which is a lot like love.
Jill Pertler is an award-winning syndicated columnist, published playwright and author. Don’t miss a slice; follow the Slices of Life page on Facebook.
