Word Tomfoolery
We’re in the midst of a presidential election.
This column has nothing to do with politics. (I bet you’re breathing easier now, huh?) But the business of politics got me thinking - about language and communication and the words we choose to use to explain our angle on things.
For instance: What is your stance on the increased price of mustard?
Answer: Well, to be honest mustard has always been in the forefront of my thoughts, especially when it comes to pricing. Mustard costs are important to us all. I’m sure we can all agree on that. Mustard is an important condiment in more than just hot dogs, which makes it an iconic American icon. Some people use it in potato salad. It has been a stalwart in American refrigerators for generations and I think we can all agree that we want to keep it that way. I, for one, will go on the official record in saying that mustard is yellow. Definitely yellow. Well, unless it is brown.
I think you get where I’m coming from. This column isn’t about mustard (or politics).
It’s about words, and phrasing. I love words and playing with them. Especially when they benefit me. So here are a few fun ones that I’ve come up with. Feel free to use them yourself. I wouldn’t want it any other way.
For instance, we all like to indulge in our favorite food or drinks now and again. Sometimes, when it comes to ice cream, coffee or a glass of wine, one isn’t enough. On these occasions, I don’t go in for a second helping, instead, I “adjust my levels,” which is word-code for adding a little more to top myself off without actually having a complete second helping.
This way, I’m not double dipping, I’m simply adjusting levels. In this line of genius ingenuity, instead of saying: I slept in. (Or I overslept.)
I say: I took an early morning nap. Instead of: I forgot your name (30 seconds after being introduced). I say: Did your parents create an unusual spelling for your first name?
Instead of: I sometimes over-post on social media. I say: I’m saving my thoughts for prosperity. Instead of: I have a bad habit. I say: There are some things regarding overeating that I’m working to rework one cupcake at a time. Instead of: I bite my nails.
I say: I like to maintain things myself in order to avoid the need for a manicure.
Instead of: I was too lazy to do that today. I say: I am reconfiguring the steps needed to complete that task in the most energy efficient manner possible. (See how I didn’t even use the word ‘procrastination’ there?)
Instead of: I lost my temper. I say: I was getting in touch with a pent-up feeling of sudden-onset negativity.
Instead of: I skipped my exercise class this morning. I say: I took an early morning nap. You see how I’m double-tasking there? Wordsmithing can be so very satisfying - especially when you are still in bed (napping) at 10:00 am.
Take it from me. I may, or may not know this firsthand. But you didn’t hear that here.
Now I’m off to adjust my levels. Winky winky.
Jill Pertler is an award-winning syndicated columnist, published playwright and author. Don’t miss a slice; follow the Slices of Life page on Facebook.
