Take Collective Action
Competene is the Antidote to Anxiety WHY THIS MATTERS - Collective action is the idea of collaborating with other parents to turn individual family action into community action. Connecting with other families often makes things easier—for us and our kids. After all: If your kid is the only one without a certain device or app, that’s legitimately tough for them! There’s no denying they’ll miss out on certain conversations or experiences that are shaping their social circle. Now consider this: What if you got together with their friends or classmates’ parents and collectively decided to wait or enforce the same limits? Now, you’re not only insulating your child from the hard parts of being “the only one”—you’re also creating new social norms.
In addition, challenging your kid to take on more responsibility and act with more independence will be easier if there are other families similarly invested in their child’s competence and freedom.
WHAT DOES THIS LOOK LIKE IN DAY-TODAY LIFE? What gets in the way of collective action? We’re often worried we might sound judgmental (or feel judged ourselves!), so we end up avoiding certain conversations all together. Here’s the thing: if there’s a tricky topic - like phones, screens, or how much freedom to give your child - then it’s likely that almost every parent is struggling with how to navigate it. And while parenting our kids will never be easy, our struggles always feel easier when we have community support. Here are some scripts to start conversations about screens in a non-judgmental way: “Hey, I’ve been thinking a lot about screen time and social media. And about how awesome it would be for some parents to come together and see if there are things we’re all doing that we wish we weren’t or any shifts we’d want to make together. I’m thinking of getting a few parents together to talk about it. No judgment, no morality, just chatting about what’s on our minds. Do you want to join?”
Once you’re gathered for a conversation, remind everyone: “The goal here isn’t to judge or compete. It’s to see if we have similar concerns and if there are shifts we want to make that would work for all of us. Collective action, even with small changes, makes a big difference!”
Every group will be different, and suggestions might range: “Wow, amazing, we all agree on no phones at the dinner table!”
“So we are all saying we’re waiting at least til high school before we give a smartphone—and we’ll check in again in 6 months to see how everyone is doing.”
Here is a script to start a conversation about increased freedom and independence: “Another thing I’ve been thinking about is how to ensure our kids feel less anxious and more capable - and I know that this comes from helping our kids take on tasks that we have traditionally done for them. Would you all be interested in setting up small challenges, in a way, for our kids to build their sense of competence?”
Every group will be different, and suggestions might range: “Ok, so we all are going to empower our kids to do grocery shopping for the family this weekend. Amazing. I think it’ll be so much easier for our kids to start doing these things knowing that their friends have the same challenge!”
Thinking “I don’t really have another parent or group of parents to talk to”? We’ve got you. That’s exactly why we created a private, safe community within the Good Inside App—a place with no judgment or shame, just support from parents in the trenches with you. You did it.
You just spent precious time and energy thinking about how to replace anxiety with resilience and confidence. Wow! We really mean this, your kid is lucky to have you as a parent. Take a moment to acknowledge yourself: “This is hard work and I am doing it.”
Dr. Becky Kennedy and Good Inside, A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, #1 New York Times bestselling book.
