Victim or victor
This life provides challenges for all of us. They can be beyond difficult. And unexpected. And unfair.
Your marriage ends unexpectedly. Your spouse dies. You lose your job. You lose a parent or a sibling. Your best friend finds a new best friend. An accident upends your life. You struggle with infertility. You have chronic pain. You struggle with your health. Your doctor diagnoses you with the ‘C’ word.
And so on and so on and on and on. It can be disheartening. Especially if you see it that way. Life often sets us up to be the victim. Circumstances go against what we’d hoped. Luck isn’t on our side. We lose more than we win. The rules seem to change. People who should be loyal are not. Others who should be kind are cruel.
The world is cruel. At face value, it is disheartening. Oh heck, at any level it is disheartening. Life can be a bully sometimes - often times. Life will beat you up and spit you out, without remorse. Without caring about how you feel or how crushed your spirit might be.
To heck with you. What does any of it matter, anyway? When you are the most downtrodden, when people and the world have cut you to your quick, when it seems everyone who should be supporting you has turned their back against you, when you want to stay in bed, under the covers all day long because facing the world seems like facing razor blades, remember one thing: The world may see you as a victim. You may feel like the victim. But: You do not have to be the victim. You are not the victim. Although the role of victim feels like it should be the default for much of life’s foibles, it is not. And perhaps the most telling word in that last sentence is “role.”
You do not have to play the role of victim - despite what your circumstances might imply.
You do not have to accept the role of victim, and if you can sort of grasp this, you can change the whole mentality.
From victim to victor. It is yours for the taking. Make lemonade out of lemons - we’ve all heard the phrase, and sometimes it’s a benefit to incorporate such colloquialisms into real life.
Much like making lemonade, this process is pretty simple. I’ve already alluded to the fact the the default is that of victim. But you are not the default! You are unique and one in a million. One in a billion!
What makes you think you are the default? Don’t sell yourself short.
You can take a loss and make it a win. You take a liability and make it an asset. You take lemons and make limonchello (bypassing lemonade, because you are way beyond that!)
Life is hard. I understand that. I know it firsthand. But I also know that hard can be overcome and the only way to overcome it is through your own mindset. Other people can define you as the victim, they will see you as the victim. But it is up to you - and only you - as to how you decide to see yourself.
What is a victor? A conqueror. A winner. Someone who ends up on top. Someone who deserves a word of congratulations.
Someone who does not let the world define them, but chooses to define themselves.
I also believe any victor has overcome adversaries and difficulties - battles even, because you can’t be a victor without conflict and struggles. It is those very struggles – and overcoming them, one breath at a time – that allow you to redefine yourself: from victim to victor.
It isn’t easy. But I will tell you one thing for certain. It is most definitely worth it.
Jill Pertler is an award-winning syndicated columnist, published playwright and author. Don’t miss a slice; follow the Slices of Life page on Facebook.
