A berry by any other name
What’s in a name? Well apparently a lot. Or, apparently nothing. When it comes to berries, it depends on which berry to which you refer. Recently I unexpectedly dove down a rabbit hole - A berry, berry big rabbit hole. I was researching topics for another column and somehow berries crept into my periphery. A cavernous hole opened up and like a seed ready to be planted, down I went.
And during my descent, my berry reality, as I knew it, changed in an instant.
Here’s a simple request for you: Name a berry. I played this game myself. My first choice was the very obvious strawberry.
Strawberries are berries. It’s in their name, isn't that right? Well no, and yes. Strawberries are called berries, but apparently they are only masquerading as such. They are actually aggregate fruits - which in simple terms means a lot of little fruits grouped together to form one large entity.
A fruit - yes, but a berry - no. A strawberry, by definition, is not a berry. Wipe me up from the floor right now. It makes one wonder: what else in this world isn’t what it seems? But I digress from the much more important topic of berries. As with too many things in this life, it all comes down to reproductive organs. In this case, the organs in question are ovaries.
Berries, by definition, come from one ovary on the plant; aggregate fruits come from multiple ovaries on a single flower. Strawberry plants contain an overly ambitious number of ovaries, making them decidedly aggregate.
Now you know. Don’t worry if you’re not a botanist. I don’t think many of us are. Along with strawberries, other berry imposters include raspberries and blackberries. I like to think of them as cluster-fruits. I’m not sure anyone will get that joke, but I know my late husband would, so I have to include it.
It’s not known how all these non-berries ever became berries (in name only) but at this point I wouldn’t feel comfortable calling them something more botanically correct like strawfruit, raspfruit or blackfruit. Despite the wrongevity in terms, they’ll always be berries to me.
To further confuse the already confused (like me) despite the straw, blue and rasp imposters, other fruits with berries in their names are actual berries. Blueberries and cranberries fall into this category. They are what they claim to be, and I appreciate that.
I haven’t even touched on the weirdest of the weird in this berry fiasco. Buckle up because here we go.
Blueberries fit nicely in your curled palm. They are an anomaly. Some berries you can’t even hold in one hand.
Take melons, for example - water, musk and honeydew. All berries! And exceedingly difficult to lose after purchase at the grocery store.
Let’s take this fruity circus one step further. Pumpkins. Squash. Cucumbers.
Berries.
Bell peppers. Poblano papers. Jalapeños - berries. Tomatoes – berries. Bananas – also berries. Oranges, grapes, pineapple and kiwi - all berries. It almost makes you wonder which fruits (and even some fruits also known as vegetables) aren’t berries. Well, besides strawberries.
And it almost makes you wonder if it matters whether strawberries call themselves berries, but don’t qualify, by definition.
I’m sure it matters on some level - in botany terms or something like that. But in the bigger picture, it doesn’t really matter what we call something, or label someone, or name it.
All my life, I’ve loved strawberries. And in that time, I’ve believed and thought them to be berries. Now I know the truth.
Strawberries (damned liars) are not berries. But you know what? They aren’t made of straw, either. In that they are double liars, which in essence is a double negative, which in essence makes a positive.
So maybe they are strawberries after all. Or maybe not. Or maybe it doesn’t matter what we call them. They are still sweet. They are still good. And I still like to eat them. I think I’ll leave it at that.
Jill Pertler is an award-winning syndicated columnist, published playwright and author. Don’t miss a slice; follow the Slices of Life page on Facebook.
