When confronting a problem. I’ve always been told to gain perspective by thinking about how important this issue will be in five years. It’s a useful exercise.
But going into the future is mere speculation. You don’t/can’t know where you will be in five years. Maybe your troubles will be small; maybe they will be great.
So, while the approach of looking ahead has worked for me thus far, I’m proposing something completely different. What if we take this idea and turn it on its head?
Instead of looking to the future, how about we go back - to the past? Put yourself in your own shoes five years ago. Here, there is no guessing. You know exactly where you were five or even 10 years ago. You know far too well the obstacles you’ve encountered – and overcome – since then.
And these obstacles, I think, can perhaps better help us put our present angst into perspective.
Today I struggle with the need to purchase a car. Or maybe a washing machine that needs repair. Or perhaps one of my kids needs a job.
All angst-worthy situations. But. How do they compare to other angst-worthy situations I’ve encountered in the past?
I advised going back five years, but I don’t have to go that far. For me, the key year is (and probably always will be) 2020. In 2020, COVID hit, the world shut down, my dad died and then my husband died. All in those 12 precious months. Worst year of my life - so far and I hope ever.
My present angst doesn’t come close to that of 2020. It isn’t even a sliver.
Still, it threatens to overpower my day - with worry, consternation, with what-ifs and worst-case-scenarios. All a waste of my good time. I read somewhere once that it isn’t negative events that cause anxiety, it’s the way we think about those events - or how much we allow ourselves to think about those events.
We think we can control the negative events in our lives but that is most often impossible. We can’t control negative events any more than we can control lightning or the tide or the path of a tornado. We aren’t in control of the bad things that happen in our lives. We are in control of how we respond to them.
It’s tempting to get caught up in the maze of turbulence that is life. And sometimes I do, but not for long - at least not often. Much, much less than in the past - prior to 2020. That’s for sure.
I only need to think of 2020 and suddenly perspective becomes crystal clear. I survived 2020. Certainly I can survive an appliance repair.
It’s a no-brainer. Maybe that’s the hidden gift of hard times. They create perspective. They give a backdrop onto reality. They make everyday problems seem doable because they are.
Life provides hills and hurdles. It isn’t a clear path because it wasn’t designed to be. We wouldn’t learn needed lessons if all we experienced was easy street. Life is meant to be hard. Gulp.
Because hard pushes us. Hard makes us grow. Hard helps us to rise above the problems of today and realize we can tackle tomorrow. Hard - when conquered - makes us the opposite of hard.
It opens us to the beauty in every moment. Hard, when tackled correctly, softens us. It allows us to be more loving and kind. And in doing so, it make the world a kinder place.
And, really, truly, that’s what this is all about, isn’t it?
Jill Pertler is an award-winning syndicated columnist, published playwright and author. Don’t miss a slice; follow the Slices of Life page on Facebook.
