In a book I’m reading, the author relates a lesson taught by one of his teachers, who told him, “You can’t shut other people’s mouths.”
I found this thought to be genius. It’s a simple, but profound statement. You can’t control what other people say. You physically can’t shut someone’s mouth. Sometimes you can’t even find the gumption to shut your own. How can you be expected to be in control of one completely outside yourself?
Good question. Still, it’s a truth: you can’t shut other people’s mouths. (No matter how much you wish you could.) You aren’t in control of the words someone else chooses to speak.
And some people choose doozies. Especially in our current culture of speaking them from behind a keyboard or screen. It makes our words feel anonymous or maybe even invisible, but they’re not.
The ensuing situation is wrought with possibilities for misinterpretation and hurt feelings - too often leading to lost relationships and division - or at the very least an unfriending.
Words matter. But as cognizant of this that you may be, you still aren’t in control of the words of others. Not even one of them.
And that can be tough. Hard to listen to. Hard to hear. Hard to read. Quite limiting, actually. Unless you take the road less traveled, so to speak.
You can’t control what other people say - or write - but you can take charge of what you listen to and - even more importantly – what you choose to hear.
Therein lies the power. The cable news channels, the radio, the Internet, your friends, neighbors, in-laws, kids - all of them, whomever they may be - are free to say whatever they want (or nearly so) and sometimes that might cause discord, anger and even anguish.
But you have freedom as well. Freedom to choose not to listen. To close them out and to tune into your own truths.
It’s like the old childhood trick of plugging your ears with your fingers and singing “la la la la la” into your adversary’s face. Or, like watching a horror movie and putting a pillow over your ears so you can’t listen to the scary music or sound effects.
Be forewarned, however, it isn’t easy. Controlling what you input into your brain takes more than putting your fingers in your ears or a pillow over your face. More likely it involves changing the TV channel or the social media sites you choose to frequent. It may even impact who you spend time with or engage in conversation.
Now we’re getting complicated and real, aren’t we? You can’t shut other people’s mouths. You can’t keep them from spouting out loud or posting in all caps. But you can choose not to listen or tune in. Or to allow them into your network. To allow them into your brain time.
It’s about controlling your own mind and your own thoughts - either by avoiding the negative messaging or by learning to tune it out. And that starts - and ends - with what information you allow in. Or, better put, what information you seek to allow in.
This can be achieved by not listening the the first place, or by simply refusing to pay attention to negativity that could be detrimental to your state of well-being. As hard as that may be.
And it will be hard - at first. But the rewards are significant and include peace of mind. And you can’t put a price on that.
Jill Pertler is an award-winning syndicated columnist, published playwright and author. Don’t miss a slice; follow the Slices of Life page on Facebook.
